Low self-esteem
The main problem of the person with low self-esteem is that they do not know who they are, and this is where all the troubles begin.
All this of course has to do with the way one was raised and “educated”. They were trained to be the good child, who doesn’t talk, doesn’t talk back, and does what one needs to do to make others happy. Other people should not be displeased and upset because of him/her (what a bad child she/he will be to mom and dad if they do that!). But how will they be able to assert their physical and emotional integrity later on against those who would try to abuse them? How will they be sure that they have to say no to some things, when their own boundaries were never respected and they were never taught to defend them? How will they be able to stick to their position when they had a lifetime of being questioned and made to doubt their wants and needs? How will they be able to protect themselves from the predators of life that vulture around them and look for such easy victims when they have been trained to be everyone’s shared available server?
Sadness…
The person with low self-esteem experiences feelings of worthlessness. They consider that they are not enough and that they must constantly prove themselves and always try harder to get acceptance, confirmation, attention, care (first from their parents as children and later from the significant adults in their life). Depending on the area of life in which they feel they are lacking, they ask for and consider themselves worth much less, e.g. in the professional field they price themselves lower, do favors and give for free the service they offer, usually to ignorant people who can afford to pay, but have felt their weakness and seek to get it for free (however, they will not dare to do so next door where they sense they cannot play their tricks).
In interpersonal relationships people with low self-esteem become a doormat. They are the ones who will run for everyone and everything and will offer to serve even if they have not been asked. They are the person who will buy anything needed for the common table, they will host someone in their home for 5 months because all the other friends of the guest are unavailable, they are the ones who will change their schedule to accommodate others, even if the latter have less important obligations to be done. Due to fear of rejection, abandonment, and that they won’t love them and they won’t like them, they always prioritize the satisfaction of others, at their expense of course.
They have a huge need to receive confirmation. Because of this they settle for crumbs in order to receive it, so others take advantage and manipulate them accordingly.
They experience inconvenient guilt. They think that they are to blame and responsible for everything, so they are constantly running to find solutions (in order to cover the problems and shortcomings of others).
They do not know how to set boundaries. We set boundaries on many levels. It is something we are indirectly taught since a very young age within our family. Physically first, we don’t allow others to interfere with our body and physical integrity when we don’t want it and in a way we don’t want. Then emotionally, we don’t allow others to play with our emotions, to manipulate us by stimulating us emotionally, either with negative (e.g. fear) or positive emotions (e.g. giving affirmation but only when we do what the others want and agree with what they are comfortable taking from us). And finally, mentally, we don’t allow others to shape our beliefs and our personality.
The person with low self-esteem, right from the beginning, has not built an independent, autonomous personality, they do not know themselves, therefore they do not know what it is that they should protect as principles, beliefs and worldview in themselves. Due to a lack of personality, the personal wants and needs of the person are rarely expressed.
He does not claim in his life what he is entitled to and what he wants, but settles for the crumbs thrown at him without even knowing whether these are things that represent him and are needed for his personal progress.
And as if this was not enough, often, in the context of questioning, they accuse the person with low self-esteem of asking too much and of being unduly demanding of others and putting them in a difficult position.
It is so easy for the person with low self-esteem to have the truth twisted!
The result of the above is the inability and difficulty in making decisions. How, the person who does not know who they are deep down, is able to judge and decide correctly what they want?
Considering that for a lifetime they have been trained to question the correctness of their opinion…
Finally, it is common to have substance addictions, from the most painless to very dangerous for one’s health, or addictive behaviors that aim to temporarily boost morale (e.g. excessive shopping) or occur because the person with low self-esteem cannot impose boundaries even on themselves (so they can indulge in e.g. overeating), they have no discipline, they have not learned to respect and love their health, so they easily do things that harm them, they do not enjoy their life of their authentic choices (and sit for hours watching the lives and successes of others on social media).
